This is a couple small paragraphs, directly from Shauna Niequist’s book, Cold Tangerines , that really ‘hit home’ for me particularly about a year ago, and I believe God used these words and others in her book to help me heal and grow in some big ways…even still. I actually emailed Shauna (the author) to share with her and thank her (the first time I have ever felt compelled to write an author, actually, and she was very gracious). The seriousness of your situation and mine is our own. I don’t understand what you are going through/have been through, and I certainly don’t dare suggest that you ‘should or should not’ continue a relationship with someone in your life who has hurt you (maybe repeatedly). Again, your situation is your own….
This is simply a perspective from a wonderful author on forgiveness that I believe is extraordinarily healthy, honest and refreshing (one that continually helps me) and thus, I wanted to share some of Shauna’s words with you…. ☺
Cold Tangerines, Shauna Niequist
“The Hook”
This is why. Because I want my neck and my back muscles to stop hurting, to unfurl like window shades. Because I want to sleep instead of having endless imaginary conversations. Because I want my mind back. Because I want my life back. Because he’s not the only one on the hook. Because every time I hang him up on that hook, the hook reaches down and grabs me, too. My friend says something like bitterness is when you drink poison hoping the other person dies. This person who hurt me is doing great, I think, but I stagger around in a fog of anger and clenched jaws and fists, waiting for a showdown that will never come and an apology that will NEVER be offered. So I let him off the hook. I let him off once, to start, and felt pretty good about myself, until someone brought his name up at lunch, and then I got mad all over again, which threw me for a loop. I forgave him. Why am I still so mad at him? I felt like I bought expensive wrinkle cream and woke up more wrinkly than even. I wanted my money back. I realized that I had to take him off the hook every single time, not just one big time. I had to take him off the hook in the morning, and then again at lunch, when someone gave me a NEW reason to be mad at this person. Over and over, all day, I had to do the heavy lifting work of letting him off the hook . It was like moving a piano all the way across the living room, and then waking up the next morning and finding it’s back in the other corner, and I have to move it again. Every day I had to push that heavy piano all the way across the living room, even though I just did it the day before. It was like a full-time job, forgiving him over and over, with each new angry thought or bad conversation we had… And I still have to keep letting him off, every day, sometimes several times a day. Not for his sake, but for mine, because I want off the hook. It’s hard work, and I don’t want to do it, but I keep on doing it. I keep on letting him off the hook, because when I do, I can breathe again.”
And move on….
Shauna's blog has been on my list of 'favorites' on Doug & I's blog here for a while, but here it is, again. I never miss a post she does :) Check it out...http://www.shaunaniequist.com/
With a deep breath,
Kate :)
